I continue to wait and see if there’s more,
I’m waiting for nothing,
I’m weak from this war.
When your own flesh and blood wants to see your heart stop
you keep to yourself ,
before the ball drops.
Thinking in silence and thinking out loud,
you’re desperate for power,
does that make you proud?
Watching around me and watching right through
you live to destroy ,
is it working for you?
But I certainly see you seem to get mad,
when I announce my self love,
it burns you so bad.
You loath that I have something that you really don’t,
I have self respect,
but break this you wont.
It makes my heart sick that you endeavour to break,
all the innocent souls ,
for your own f*****g sake!
Get the hell out, I wont waste anymore,
of my energy, my tears,
I am closing the door.
your regret of my birth has caused you decay,
but that’s not my problem,
you made it this way 😉
A second observation
I was on the train again. I happen to see the same couple again as my previous blog a week ago. What a coincidence. They were talking in what I assume is mandarin. They are smiling and seem to have a pleasant conversation, he pulls her close and she lays her head on his shoulder. He breathed in the smell of her hair. They look peaceful, and she kisses him on the cheek. meanwhile one lady is playing her music out loud which I’m certain is Hindi. People are looking around at who is playing it so they can know who to give their bothered look to. She seems to not care if it’s bothering others. Someone has competed with her and put on Italian opera. She turns her music off and the man continues with his music. The couple get off. I then make my way toward the door to be ready for the next stop. I see the man with the music and he looks quite rough and tough. With a twist of irony listening to classical opera music. He was alone on the exit/entry section. I step down and he looks at me. His energy was slightly uncomfortable for me, but I liked the music.
Sitting on the train across from other individuals. I notice a woman staring at me. I catch her glance and she turns away, another 3 times again so I decide not to look anymore . Another woman next to her watching my face , what might she be seeing? I look back and she moved her eyes, only to look back again multiple times. She leans to the plastic frame beside her and closes her eyes , surely thinking a lot but trying to rest. People are curious beings. A woman next to me with a twitch, twiddling her thumbs waiting for her stop whilst her husband or companion is also resting.
Outside the sky is blue and the sun is shining like gold. It brings me comfort. A woman with her pram gets off and a man helps her pull the pram out. We may be a world of fear and love together but we have the support in the little places. For all the rest we have to work hard. The man next to me has a watch, the glare of light caught my eye, it reads 11:45. A couple get on, they are holding hands. They proceed to take a selfie and she laughs so they take another, another, and another.. She directs his face and pose. He seems light hearted. Every attempt she laughs but she is glowing. She likes this man. She rests her head on his shoulder and as I look up I catch her glance watching me. They are playing hand games of another culture, I think Chinese. She’s laughing. In a relationship it’s the little moments that account for them all. They get off and I sit watching the blue sky till I get off. I stop for coffee in the city. The Sun is shining on me. This is one of my favourite things, coffee under the sun. Small moments of paradise between the harsh realities we live through. It’s a recharge. The bell is ringing at the church next to me, it gives me a sense of comfort. Feeling joy I go about the day smiling.
Why in this world and reality is it made that we have to suffer? Every person on the planet is suffering and going through problems on a daily basis. Who put us here and why does it have to be this way!! Feeling very frustrated because I know that the rest of life is always a struggle and it probably isn’t gonna stop because that’s life. I mean does it always have to be like this, what design is this?! It’s like the moment you get relief it’s onto the next thing. I’m just questioning why. What kind of matrix is this? #rant #TimeOutPlease
Everyone has a different piece of perspective that no one else has. A puzzle piece if you will, that is not exact to anyone else’s. This makes for an evolution process of the collective consciousness. So… what do you define as happiness?
I would love to know how others view this! 🙂 Thank you 🙂
The morning arrives, and you slowly open your eyes. You instantly and instinctively take a quick scan of your reality to see if it was just a dream or are you really waking upto the nightmare you call your life. Instant disappointment when you realise you have to do it all again another time. Enveloped in the anxiety of the routine of negativity. This all in a split second. imagine how many more seconds are left in the day. The heaviness on your shoulders, it’s like a grey cloud surrounding you.
This is how many of us are waking up, in the midst of a storm of chaos. Heaviness and lost hearts. Just because it feels so heavy does not mean there are so many layers. If you realise that this is just one layer of darkness! What if you took a closer look at what seems so skin tight to your life? It’s as if you look out your window from a distance and you can only see on the dependence of what you allow yourself to see. What if you got closer to the window and prodded your head out there a little. You would have a much larger and insightful perspective on what you see. again, seeing only what you allow yourself to see.
How do we look beyond the dark layer? Turn on the light! How do you do that? Give yourself permission to love yourself a little. THERE IS ALWAYS MORE than what we perceive. For those asking what more is there? There is more. Therefore when you find yourself in the midst of a deep depression , just remember that there is more. Don’t lack the love and allow yourself to miss out on what else you are entitled to have. Heartbroken? love yourself enough to move on and know there is more and you deserve it. You deserbe it because you made it this far, theres no stopping now, the world will not stop and wait for you. It will keep spinning. Don’t miss out on the rotation. We wish we could have the ability to remote view our life. Well you can. Take a break and look at your life through a higher perspective, with less harsh eyes. From here you can guide yourself, your higher self. Just look beyond. There is light just beyond that cloud, and the light never hides, the despair fogs up the light. Always there, just remove the veil! 🙂 a little reminder.
Queen of wands – court card
The card pulled today was the queen of wands. This card may be asking us to embody and take on the energies of this fire element queen. The queen of wands is a determined, ambitious and natural leader. She may feel invincible at times when in her element and once she gets the ball rolling she keeps on going. She is a go- getter with an undeniable strength. The card I hold depicts a queen on her thrown holding her wand in power, she holds onto the wand rather loosely as she knows the power that she claims is hers and she will not allow anyone to take away from her in which she knows is her own earned strength and power. She is bearing in the other hand a beautiful sunflower which is a symbol of light, positivity and abundance. Sunflowers always search for the light and will physically turn to the sun no matter what direction they face. We too should always look for the light in a situation, and if you don’t see it, rest assured that if you search you will find it. She has green plants surrounding her symbolising the reaping of benefits from hard work and determination. If you embody this energy, you too will be abundant. The sky is blue showing happy times. A black cat is sitting by her, facing outward mysteriously, The cat to me , personally symbolises the dark and shadow side of the queen, rather the hardships and low points she endured to get to where she is now. The cat does not face her, it is looking outward with her as to show her won battles and surrender of the darkness to allow her light in The queen of wands is a woman who seeks everything good and bountiful. When she is searching for love, this is a positive card that you have worked up to meeting a new soulmate or companion. Financially this card is abundant and fruitful and you will soon see the result of your hard work. Soulfully when seeking answers this card shows that you will soon reach higher levels in understanding. She is also in good health and is a very fertile woman. The queen of wands reminds us to keep up the hard work and be determined to reach our goal because success is ours. Embody this energy!
To double-cross is to sign away,
your every promise,
In every way.
To betray a friend is a wave of right,
To every trust,
In every sight.
To make it known, your lack of care,
Is to strip a heart,
And leave it bare.
When you then feel they’ve drifted afar,
They will just seem like,
A distant star.
Next time you wonder and question why,
That person has left,
Cause’ you made them cry.
Card of the day is –
4 of pentacles (minor arcana)
To start off, the immediate word is possessiveness, and this does not so much have to be about materialism. Although generally the figure in the card is holding on tight to his riches. He has pentacles under his feet. This card praises and gives recognition to hard work you have put in to your financial life. It asks you to not fear losing what you have worked for and release the control and fear regarding loss. Release the grip a little bit and you will feel more relief. Ground yourself and remove fear, as fear creates blocks and barriers.
Possessiveness comes in many forms, people, materialism, ideas, situations, mentalities, and so on. Maybe you are holding onto control of a situation. What is it that you are afraid to lose control of? Are you holding onto your protective barriers? Your pride? Your old way of thinking? The past? your status? The relief will come when you let go. Maybe you need to let go of the illusion that you need to control every detail, or that you have to overpower to get across. The figure on the card is on the defence. Are you having trouble with trust? Maybe you are not trusting that the immediate future will have your best outcome. Maybe you don’t trust others with your possessions. Are you facing financial decisions that require risk? Are you trying to control your emotional pain externally to control how you feel ? Unhealthy behaviour that harms our bodies, such as drinking and overindulgence. let go and let it pass. Don’t hold onto fear, it only generates more and you will find yourself in a vicious cycle. Focusing on your defence will not leave room for much else. This card may also ask you to find value in the non- materialistic dynamic, Such as the little moments in life, family, friends, experiences and hidden blessings. Being controlling or possessive of materialism will tire you and you are better off projecting your energy into more wholesome experiences. When it comes to daunting and new experiences , release the control and let the universe unfold what it will.
Are you holding onto the past? It’s time to look forward and release the anchor, new chapters are on the horizon!
Often when we try to hold control of a situation we may find ourselves trying to control others in the process. Or even just controlling others for fear of losing them. Just let go of that energy my friends. You are allowed to relax a little!